TQ: What do you expect when you're featured? What do you want to see out of the critiques? What are you feeling when you submit it for critique? Are you ever worried it won't be well accepted? Do you think a week is enough time? Too much? Explain the critquee's experience to me.

Well, since this is the first time I’ve ever been featured, I’m not really sure what to expect. I am looking forward to my story being proof-read by my peers, and I hope that I receive some constructive criticism that will help me improve my writing. It took me quite a while to work up enough nerve to submit a story as a featured piece. In fact, I’ve been very nervous about being featured, not because I think that people will be mean, but because I am so insecure about what I write. I always feel that I’m baring my soul every time I post a story, and I’m not good with the whole “expressing my feelings to other people” thing. So yes, I guess you could say that I worry that what I write won’t be well received.

I think that a week is plenty of time to get a critique in. It gives the reviewer time to read the story several times and work out what they want to say without feeling rushed. It also allows for “stuff” to happen and still have enough time to get your critique in.

On a side note, I just want to thank Kaz for giving me that push to submit my story. You know you’re the best!

[align=center]Okay, let's kick start the critiques for this week. [/align]
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TQ: What do you expect when you're featured? What do you want to see out of the critiques? What are you feeling when you submit it for critique? Are you ever worried it won't e well accepted? Do you think a week is enough time? Too much? Explain the critquee's experience to me.

Um, I don't really know what I expect when I'm featured. I guess opinions, mostly. As for what I want to see out of the critiques, I don't have a pre-determined idea. Really, I just hope that people enjoy reading the featured story and, where possible, offer a well-thought out perspective. What do I feel when I submit something for a critique? Err... I have no idea. Generally, though, if I have submitted something, it's on a random whim and usually if no one else has submitted something - that way LLK has something to feature. Am I ever worried it won't be accepted? No, firstly because LLK is fair and does feature everyone accordingly, but mostly because I take the view point that if it gets featured it gets featured, and if it doesn't it doesn't. Oh, and a week is definitely enough time!
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[align=center]Critique of Apologies, by Audrey[/align]

Strong Points:
I thought this was a lovely little post-ep. You stayed true to the episode and didn't stray too far from what was believable. I also like how you summarised what had happened very quickly and the way you used Calleigh's thoughts to do this. It made it feel like a natural reflection as opposed to a simple re-telling.

Your flow was good, nice use of switching from thoughts into dialogue. And I liked the way you captured the EC relationship. Twas very them, I thought.

The ending was short and sweet, and definitely left me wanting more. The whole thing was just a great little addition to Power Trip.

Not So Good Things:
Eh... there aren't any, really. Other than the fact that it was so short, but then it did everything it was supposed to do for a post-ep.

And I guess the only other thing I can think of is, and this is more just a technique thing, that when writing dialogue, you tend to always address the other character:
“Hey, Cal, you okay?”
“I’m fine, Eric."
“What for, Cal?"
"Eric, you had a gut feeling about Reggie,"
“Cal, do you want to go get some dinner after shift?"
There's nothing wrong with this, but sometimes too much of it can make dialogue very stiff, taking away from the realism you're trying to create.

Conclusion:
I thought it was a sweet post-ep that depicted a scene which definitely should have been in the actual episode - it felt like it could easily have been slotted in there by the Miami writers. Great job.

I got so excited about the NHL playoffs this week I almost forgot to post this! (I don't exactly get a lot of hockey or hockey news down in Palm Tree Land so when I do get some I tend to get caught up in it )

TQ: What do you expect when you're featured? What do you want to see out of the critiques? What are you feeling when you submit it for critique? Are you ever worried it won't be well accepted? Do you think a week is enough time? Too much? Explain the critquee's experience to me.

The couple of times I’ve been featured I’ve gone through pretty much the same mental process: excitement and curiosity followed by a healthy dose of panic, and all three emotions come from the same place. I’m excited and curious to know what you all think of whatever I’ve written, and I know that you’ll give me the straight dirt with all the details…which I think induces the panic. I’m always a little scared submitting a story no matter where I’m posting it, but here we’ve been taught to pay such close attention to everything that I know I can’t sneak anything past you! Always, though, the critiques submitted when I’ve been featured are helpful, containing encouragement, constructive criticism (the principals I’ve worked for could take a lesson or two from this place!), and any errors in spelling and grammar I may have missed (or not even known). The information I get from your critiques makes my work stronger, including stuff I might write in the future

A week is plenty of time for me, even when I’m working full time and/or going to school because I know that I can always submit my critique for the week on Saturday when I don’t have any academic obligations (like today, lol).




Critique

Things to work on:
Gosh, I had to get seriously picky to find anything to put in this category!

• She’d give Eric credit, though, he hadn’t backed down, and he had eventually been proven right. This may be a matter of taste and not strictly grammar, but a semicolon or dash would have worked better after “though”, or even a period to show a little more separation.
• The thought caused Calleigh’s heart to race wildly and to also wonder where on earth that idea had come from. This technically means that Calleigh’s heart was not only racing but was also wondering.
• Not only was he physically attractive, but he had a good heart.
• Now it was Eric’s turn to frown. He looked at Calleigh and racked his brain for what she could possibly be apologizing for. Perplexed, he finally turned and asked,
“What for, Cal? I can’t think of a thing you’ve done that you need to apologize for.”

and

• It almost felt like taking a step off of a cliff, but she was willing and ready to try. She said,
“I’d love that. Meet me in the parking lot at the end of shift.” You’ve got an extra return in there.

Things that were good:
I loved looking at Eric through Calleigh’s eyes, particularly in this piece because you’ve written Calleigh as though she’s looking at him for the first time all over again…and really, she kind of is. She notices how hot he is, of course, but also what a good heart he has and how much he cares for his friends (including her). She’s sort of taking in the whole picture, compiling years of data into one impression but still seeing him in a way she hasn’t really seen him before. The fact that you write with a great flow and strong characterization makes the piece easy to read and see happening in my mind. Plus, even though I listed some grammatical things above, I seriously had to look for them the second and third time I read through, so there were no spelling or sloppy errors to detract from the picture you’ve painted so well.

Critique:

Short, and very sweet. I wish I could remember the episode better, but from what you've described, it sounds interesting. And poor Calleigh for being tormented about it. I can definitely sympathize with her, having been in situations like that.

I think both of them were written so well. Calleigh's nerves are so real, and Eric is just so sweet and so relaxed. I think you did an amazing job writing them.

Aside from the grammatical errors everyone else pointed out, I see nothing wrong with this piece.

Excellent job!

TQ:

I think there was only one story I had been nervous about featuring, and that was "The End of the World... Or the Last Thing I See" because I had gotten a bad review on the story. Other than that, I'm usually pretty excited to see what everyone thinks.

As far as the time for a critique, I think that depends on the length of the piece. A really long story is hard to critique thoroughly in one week, but a one-shot is fine.

*Blushes* Awww, thanks for all of the kind words, guys. Thanks for the constructive criticism too. I've been working on my writing, and this was actually the second story that I posted on ff.net.

I promise: I'll critique tonight.

It's my first day back at school from the Easter holidays, so I don't have a math tutorial after school, which means I get home at a relatively reasonable hour (3:30 or so).

Sorry it's so late coming, Audrey!

Now, off to school with me like a good child.

Ah, it's two o'clock, and I'm already home. Nice change. I usually finish at four on Mondays. *Sigh* Let's not get used to it, though.

TQ: What do you expect when you're featured? What do you want to see out of the critiques? What are you feeling when you submit it for critique? Are you ever worried it won't be well accepted? Do you think a week is enough time? Too much? Explain the critquee's experience to me.

I think that I just expect whatever people can or are willing to do. I know that I can't always critique, or can't always critique properly, because of time restraints, personal stuff, etc. So I don't really expect others to go out, out, out of their way to critique, because that's a little unfair.

I think I, personally, just want to see feedback. Period. Especially with my Without a Trace stories, there are very people who actually read them, and even fewer who review on FF.net. Few as in three or four at the best of times. So it's nice to have feedback that isn't just "good story" or something of the like. Also grammar stuff is good, because it's stuff that I always miss, and I'm really, really naughty when it comes to proof reading.

I think that I'm always relatively... iffy about submitting a piece for critique, but everyone here is so accepting that it doesn't really bother me anymore. I know that if people don't like it, they'll have a reason, or they'll be able to say it somewhat constructively. I was a bit cautious about the first time I submitted one of my slash stories, but not because of my own issues, it was because I didn't want to offend anyone.

I think a week is a good time. Any longer would be too long, any shorter too short, and while it can sometimes seem to drag on forever, or seem to go by so darn quickly that you hardly manage to get a critique in (like me today), a week is a nicely even amount of time. People know when the deadline is, it isn't too confusing and everyone, I think, understands when someone just can't muster up enough free time to critique in any given week.


Critique:

I'll start with the correction-y bits, because I want to end on a happy note today. Have to, becuase I don't have any coffee, and something has to be happy today. Hehe.

This is a personal thing more than anything, but I'll point it out unser the pretense that this is semi-formal writing:

All this, and it wasn’t even 5:00.

It would probably read better as "five o'clock", or just "five". I think it also has something to do with the font: the numbers of FF.net font are kind of... clunky? Or something.

This was a first step towards exploring something new and she was a bit nervous.

I'm not sure exactly why (yeah, fat lot of help I am) but this sentence is a little awkward. It feels like it should have something either before or after it. Something like:

She knew that this was a first step towards exploring something new and she was a bit nervous.

Or:

This was a first step towards exploring something new and she was a bit nervous as to where it would lead them.

Though not that, because I'm stupid and that's probably horrible, but you get the point. The sentence, otherwise, is just a little... unprecedented? Though it's totally relevant to everything, there's nothing else particularly significant that tells us that Calleigh's nerves are actually warranted.

Now, awesome bits, because everyone else has pointed out what I wanted to say.

I love the opening. It's great. Draws you in, and tells you the background. Which is good for me, as I haven't seen the episode, hence wouldn't understand a post-ep without the little introduction. And at the same time, you don't make it sound partonizing; like you're assuming the audience hasn't seen it, becuase the vast majority would have. I'm just an irritating little anomale.

I love the way you've shown (or, rather, said) that Eric just knows Calleigh. It's not a complex description of their relationship - verbal relationship or otherwise. It's jast a statement of fact, and as such is very powerful.

You've also used the sort of CSI jargon really well. You haven't put in anything that:

most people wouldn't know
sounds like the characters would only really use in speech
sounds like it was put in just to show you know stuff
reads awkwardly

It all flows very naturally, which can be hard when you're using acronyms and the like in descriptive writing as opposed to dialogue. Partially because Calleigh would probably think with the jargon, but partially because you've just written it well.

It adds another dimension of realism to it, too. Eric's not just "hitting a few buttons" and "taking photographs", like a lot of people would probably write. It wouldn't work that way in this piece beause Calleigh would know exactly what Eric was doing.

Okay, and I know this is a weird thing to like, but I like your sentence structure. It's very... not simple, but uncomplicated. It's not a chore to read, and it's very easy to follow. The sentences are relatively short, and there's no convoluted grammar in them.

Which is an awesome thing becuase I know how irritating long, shotty sentences can be. Know, becuase that tends to be how I write. But yes, I like your sentence structure.

Haha, it sounds like a really geeky pickup line, doesn't it?

Oh, God, let's not go there. Hehe.

Calleigh walked from the print lab with a new spring in her step. Just being around him made the day a bit brighter and she felt as if he had lightened the load on her mind and heart.

The last paragraph really grabbed me, too, because I know exactly how she feels. I have a friend like that: I just say hi to him and I'm happy for the rest of the day.

So, basically, I haven't seen the episode, I don't actually watch CSI: Miami, I know very little about their characters, but this story is awesome. And I'm going to be a closet Eric/Calleigh shipper from here on in.