fanfictioncritiquegroup

OK. I've sat and stared at my computer screen for long enough. I have no inspiration whatsoever for this challenge, so... I give up! Sorry, but unless inspiration strikes in the next five minutes, you're getting nothing from me this time!

But I will read and review all your fics. I promise!

Iiii finally found inspiration and I still don't think I'll get it done this time.



I feel like a total failure as a FCG-er.

You are not a failure, it's called having a life. Also, I think your 'i' key is busted. It was doing that in the AIM too.

Okay: The Assignments are in.


Racefh853629: If I Could Turn Back Time

*Sarai*: Family Ties

Audrey2419: Discovery

Giorgia: Ghosts

Miiztaylor: Revelations In The Night

I'm so sorry I didn't get one in guys. So, so, so sorry.

Here's what I had/have:

It’s surreal how quickly things can change. In the blink of an eye everything can become so different. A few simple words can have a sobering effect, pulling you from one reality and thrusting you into another. A simple dance, a tête-à-tête, can become a richly complex Waltz in a matter of breaths. Each inhale and exhale could be the mark of a new moment, a new era. The weight of change, even small change, can put a whole load of pressure onto a given moment.

Then again there are thousands and more of moments when nothing changes at all. Where we exist in a comforting and blissful static. Things never being quite the height of kinesthetic euphoria but also never falling into the category of a unruly blisslessness.


I may ask one of you to critique it for me if I do finish, which I plan to.

lostladyknight wrote:I feel like a total failure as a FCG-er.

You are not a failure! You keep us going here.

Now, I'm going to get my critiquing done early this week since I have to read "A Streetcar Named Desire" for my acting class and start prepping for my scene work... All that doesn't include the 40+ hours I'm going to put in at my "day job."

Why do I do this to myself?

lostladyknight wrote:
I feel like a total failure as a FCG-er.

^ Never, and what you started was brilliant

And here's a little backstory for my fic, because it's Stargate and it might be a little confusing for a non fan, I'll try and keep it simple .

Basically, SG1 are stuck on a spaceship. They were in battle and the enemy ships (Ori) were winning. The shields were failing on the Earth ship (Odyssey) and after beaming all non-esential crew down to a planet there were 5 of the crew left (all of SG1 plus their CO). Sam Carter (resident genius) couldn't get the hyperdrive to work quickly enough to get the ship out of danger and one more hit from the enemy ship would have destroyed the Odyssey. So she decides to put the ship in a time dilation bubble. This means that as time passes normally for them inside the ship, outside barely fractions of a second have passed. The time dilation bubble worked just in time to stop the Ori beam from hitting the ship. The problem is, Sam can't find a way to reverse the time dilation programme and get the hyperdrive to work without the beam weapon hitting the ship first. So they're basically stuck on the ship. And years pass inside the ship as only seconds pass outside it.

That wasn't simple at all I apologise lol.

^^ Ironically enough, I get that... haha

You highlight at the bottom that you're a few words over, and that's definitely not a bad thing. This is an amazing story.

Good points:
-Very strong emotions. Even for someone like me who has no idea what the show's all about, I understand the character's feelings. Sam's guilt and regret, the fear no one's talking about, the elephant in the room- it's all so well written and amazing.

-You hit every one of the challenge points, as you noted.

-I love the use of the second-person tense, and how that ended up playing into the challenge points. It's clever and you write it so well.

-Your descriptions are so good that even for someone who doesn't watch the show, I could see and feel what the characters were experiencing. It's very powerful, and very good.

Not as good points:
-There were a few minor grammatical errors. Mostly they have to do with commas being where periods should go.

Awesome job, *Sarai*!

Okay, I said I was going to do this early.

Here we go...

Discovery by Giorgia

What I liked:

First of all, Giorgia that was NOT awful. I loved Without a Trace, and I love stories with Martin and Danny. Go figure, I’ve discovered that I like slash.
You hit all of the parts of the challenge and did a great job doing it.

I really loved these lines:

He had to physically refrain from opening the door with the pen that lived in his jacket pocket; he wasn’t searching, he was investigating. And this felt really quite wrong. He knew that it probably was – no, definitely was – but his curiosity peaked when he considered that this might be where Martin kept his… entertainment.

They are just so true. How many times have any of us been tempted to snoop…just a little?

What I didn’t like:

Nope, couldn’t find anything that jumped out at me. This was a well written story.

Great Job!

Book reports, Lab Write Ups, Spanish worksheets. I'll get to this as SOON as I can. Hopefully I can focus; there is way too much going on for my teenaged mind to handle. That's right. I'm talking about other teenaged minds.

Gah! Double post. Sorry about that. I didn't expect to get this in tonight, but boredom and borderline insomnia can drive you to do crazy things.

Revelations in the Night
By racefh853629

Things I liked:
The subtle looks that the characters gave to each other seemed to add a lot to this. Since I’ve never seen Supernatural, I can’t comment much on characterization, but I do have this: I realize that this is a fantasy-ish fandom, but the situation of hiding behind alcohol, not wanting to deal with problems, then having a family member poke you about them is very realistic. You also showed just enough emotion to be balanced out with the ‘actions’ (I.E. going to the bar, then a bench, then to the hotel) in a way that allowed the story to make sense. Good job on following the challenge criteria, and I loved picturing LLK singing a Cher song.

Congrats on another story well written.

Not so good:
I couldn’t really find much, other than this little bit that didn’t flow too well because of the double negative.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t tired.

Taylor.

(P.S. I really do love that picture of Nicky.)

Sorry this took so long, I've been so busy preparing for Uni stuffs- excite

Family Ties by Audrey

Firstly I have to say that I didn't even know this show existed before I read this fic, I don't think it's been picked up over here yet. However that didn't detract from the story at all.

The good bits-

-I loved the way it was written, even for a complete newbie to the fandom like me, I didn't feel lost at all. It flowed nicely and it was easy to follow. I got a nice clear picture of Nathan Ford and even at the end of this short fic, I felt like I somehow knew him.

-The way you described how Ford has come to regard his one-time acquaintances as his family now was very realistic. 'He inched his way past his defences' I think you put. That happens with people doesn't it, you don't realise they've wormed their way in until you realise how much you care for them.

-The challenge elements fitted in so seamlessly, I had to re-read it to spot them because they weren't glaringly obvious and they didn't disrupt the flow of the story at all.

-I really like the last line, I don't know why, but I'm just a bit of a sucker for 'happy endings' and this fic, even though Eliot was shot and could have died, it still had a happy ending.

-Spelling and grammar was spot on as far as I can see, I'm not the best in the world at spotting things but there were no big boo-boos.

-And lastly, you've piqued my interest for this show, I think I'm going to have to check it out.

Not so good things-

-It's not really a bad point but, it wasn't long enough, I found myself wanting more when it had finished

Thank you so much for the compliments. I really like Leverage. TNT has episodes online if you want to check it out.

If you watch it a couple of times you'll get hooked; I promise. (Not to mention that Christian Kane is so nice to look at...)

I'm actually getting ready to do a longer Leverage fic as soon as I finish my current WIP.

Thanks again!

Thanks for the great critique, Taylor!

We had another great batch of challenge pieces... Great job, ladies!

Badabababdababa!! *Jumps up and down* Wait for me, wait for me!!

Ahem. *Embarrassed grin*

Sorry that this took me so long. I'm with Taylor on the excessive amounts of homework in high school. Geez...

Okay:

Ghosts
By Taylor

Oh, my God, you killed Nick!

Sorry, that was my first thought. I never really bonded with Nick as a character when I watched CSI, but I didn't want him dead! Haha. Okay, now that's off my chest, my second thought was, in all seriousness:

"Poor Greggles!"

It was then shoved none-too-gently to the back of my brain. But I did feel for Greg. Poor little thing.

Wow, you got in both of the quotes from criterion 1! Nicely done.

*Snorts* And you got LLK into the piece. Nicely woven.

The end is so sweet, too. Greg and Nick have a sort of brotherly relaionship that it just really cute. Nick watches out for Greg and Greg just about idolises Nick. So the ending was great.

Loved the phrase: "... he promised." It was a good choice of words, there.

Awesome!

Couple of errors:

He couldn’t be there for Catherine or Warrick like they were for each other, or Grissom and Sara the way they did.

Should be:

He couldn’t be there for Catherine or Warrick like they were for each other, or Grissom and Sara the way they were.

“Hmpf,” Greg huffed as he leaned forward onto his hands.

This isn't grammatical, but it might just work better as:

Greg huffed as he leaned forward onto his hands.

I think it just flows a little better. But that one's totally up to you.

"...Other than the whole male/female thing, spiting image,” Greg explained.

Should read:

"...Other than the whole male/female thing, spitting image,” Greg explained.

But like I said, the piece was really sweet! The conversation between the two... poor Greg. And Nick being all calm. The weird thing is that I can see this scene in my head, despite the fact that as far as I know, there haven't been any ghosts on CSI. Haha. I think it's become almost an accepted thing since Warrick's death, though...

Anyway. Great piece, Taylor! Sorry this was so late!

To homework for me.

Again.

Blergh.

Giorgia