EDIT TQ-
TQ: The song I've chosen is Never in A Million Years by Cara Dillon. She's an irish folk singer who's not very well known but I'm in love with this particular song and the shipper in me really thinks it sums up Jack's relationship with Sam in Stargate:SG1.
If you want me I'll be at your door
And if you need me I'll be by your side
Cos every day is a long winding road
And I'll always be here don't you know.
It's the same old story- he's always there for her, when she's been taken over by a goa'uld, when she nearly dies many many times, and when they lose other teams members etc. They have this unspoken connection and he always seems to known when she needs him and when she needs him to back off. And also the chorus fits them too.
Everytime I look at you I feel the blues
Can't hide the pain inside
No-one ever told me that my heart could break a hundred-thousand times
Never in a million years I thought the tears could break a heart of stone
If you need me let me know.
There's no way they can actually be together. It's not just like Booth and Brennnan getting together and it being frowned on. Sam and Jack can't get together because she's under his command; there'd be major repurcussions for both of them. So the chorus kinda shows how even though Jack feels the pain of not being able to actually be with her as a lover, he still wants to be there for her as a friend.
Lol, I'm in a fluffy mood this morning

Critique-
Ahh, this is a songfic. Now usually I avoid them like the plague because they have the potential to be either amazing, or awful, and it’s usually the latter. But I have to say without a doubt that this particular fic is definitely the former.

I’ve never watched Cold Case and I don’t know the characters at all, but this gave me the chance to just take everything at face value and focus on the plot and the integration of the lyrics into the story.
Great choice of song by the way, one of my all time favourites.

Instead of splitting this up into good things/not so good things, I’m just going to do it as I go along. Sorry if it confuses you I’m still on low grade painkillers for my chest and they do things to my head lol.

I have to admit, the first couple of paragraphs were quite hard for me to get into and I had to reread them a couple times. That being said, it was because I don’t know the fandom, and has no reflection on your amazing writing.

This was when I knew this was going to be a great fanfic... .. I fell in love with your description of the ice clinking, the sound of applause, it struck up an image in my head and suddenly I was there in the bar with Scotty and it set the scene (for me at least) for the rest of the story.

.-another beautiful piece of description. It’s hard to get the right balance, and sometimes it’s easy to over-describe something, especially when it’s a simple action, but you had just the right amount here. For me, the sign of a great fanfic is one which stirs up imagery in my head and this fic did exactly that. I think that’s why I fell in love with it.

I like the way you used the lyrics, and how you integrated them in the story by having it be the song the singer was singing. It made a refreshing change from a lot of songfics that seem to just stick the lyrics anywhere and hope for the best.

It also allowed you to match the melody of the song to Scotty’s emotions which I thought was amazing- .

You’ve painted such a detailed picture of Elisa in just one paragraph and I found myself suddenly understanding the character, even though I don’t have a clue about Cold Case. Is she mentally ill? That scenario fits with the song, it’s also something I can identify with, on a personal level and ehh, this fic just got a whole lot more... haunting I think is the word I’m looking for.

.- this is probably my favourite part of the whole fic, as I said, I’m a sucker for description and I love how you’ve got his conflicted thoughts in there. Yay for angst.

The way he finally broke down was believable too, like he listened to the song for as long as he could stand it but he finally had to get out. It was very real, and the scene from where he’s trying to get into his car, to when he cries, is incredibly well written and as I’ve said before, it’s writing like this that really pulls me in.

Did she die? I’m guessing so from the . I can almost feel his pain as he blames himself, possibly for not doing enough, but there are earlier parts of the story where he recalls trying to be there for her through everything. It hurts me that he’s blaming himself even when he tried his hardest.

And I don’t even know the fandom.

*slaps head* .- She is dead, I must have missed this in my drug altered state of mind, but anyway, this proves to be a testament to how good your writing is. I worked out she was dead and he was grieving without reading it. You’re awesome.

Gosh this was so angsty, but not straight away, you sort of work into it instead of being a full on angst-fest from the get go. Kinda like the song- another thing you did with working the song into the story-most people know how the song goes, how the melody gets more haunting as it goes on and in this you’ve written Scotty’s emotions to build up with the song, until it overwhelms him. It’s just a beautifully crafted story.

I also really like the parallels you’ve drawn with the singer, a lot of the time angsty fics are just centred on the character you’ve writing about; and there’s nothing wrong with that, but for you to acknowledge another persons pain makes it seem all the more real. Because in real life you’re not ever the only person in the world feeling pain and sadness are you? Amazing
I found myself wanting to know more about the singer though...who has she lost etc. Not that that is a bad thing

Apart from it being a little difficult to get into the first few lines, I couldn’t find anything wrong with this story. I never pick up on people’s spelling and grammar because I’m so awful myself but I highly doubt there were any mistakes in there anyway.

It flowed beautifully and you had just the right balance of lyrics and story. There wasn’t too much of either- which is a hard balance to ahieve, but you nailed it.
I absolutely adored this fic, it stirred up all manner of emotions in me and I had tears in my eyes when it came to the end. It takes a lot for fanfic to get me teary, and nothing has in a long time. Well done on this Zelda, it was a pleasure to read and critique it

LeAnn x

Critique:

Very powerful story.

That's the first and biggest thing that hit me was how powerful this story is. I don't know the fandom that well- I've seen the CSI:NY crossover and an episode here and there, so I can't comment on the characterization.

But the story is powerful.

The lyrics fill in the gaps, and each of them sets up the next section. There is a lot of emotion in each section, and you can feel everything Scott feels. And I like that the song was not just important to him.

Very powerful story. Very awesome. And, very good song.


TQ:

Okay, so I've thought about this a bit more, and maybe it's mostly because I've been watching a lot of Criminal Minds lately, but I think my choice would be "Not Meant to Be" by Theory of a Deadman. To me, this song embodies the relationship between Hotch and Haley, in that (especially near the end of their marriage), nothing he did was ever good enough for her. But, at the same time, you could completely understand her sentiment as well. So, I think the best section would be:

It's never enough to say I love you,
No, it's never enough to say I try.
It's hard to believe that there's no way out for you and me
It seems to be the story of our lives.
Nobody wins when everyone's losing...

I've been battling a migraine all week--which means no computer for me!--but I'm finally starting to feel better just in time to do the TQ. Most of my fanfics are inspired by music--either lyrics or a song title--and I found it hard to choose one set of lyrics to talk about...so I won't In keeping with the Cold Case theme this week, I'm going to talk about this week's feature.

I chose "My Immortal" by Evanescence for this piece because the lyrics to the whole song described Scotty's relationship with Elisa to a T. To answer your questions, LeAnn, Scotty and Elisa met when they were kids and grew up together, so they had a long past by the time this story takes place. At one point they were engaged, then Elisa found out she was mentally ill--"The Giants" were always after her--and went in and out of psychactric hospitals and always trying out new medications. She'd be better for a while, then the meds would lose their effect (which I understand is pretty common) and her "Giants" would come back. Scotty stuck with her, but it broke his heart to see her like that and she knew it, so somewhere along the way the engagement was called off and they weren't really together anymore, but I think he felt like it was his duty to keep an eye on her. Later on, for whatever reason (I have my theory, but there was never an on-show explination) Elisa jumps off a bridge; Scotty's convinced for a while that she was murdered but eventually comes to accept that it was actually a suicide...and blames himself.

So way to go LeAnn--you figured out a lot of that on your own! You rock! The background info above will probably make the first couple of paragraphs make more sense now, too. And congrats on the upgrade from pincushion to regular patient Hope you're feeling better!

The lyrics that fit best out of the whole song, though, is this verse:

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

It seems to capture everything Scotty felt in four little lines: all the love he had for his childhood sweetheart, coupled with the immense grief of her death. I particularly liked the word "haunted", too, because that's the word I would have picked myself to describe Scotty for a long time after.

Thanks Race for your critique as well--I don't think I've ever seen the word "powerful" so many times in one place, but I appreciate the sentiment with which you used it. I didn't cry writing this one, but I had goosebumps for a good long while because of the emotion involved, and it's good to know that it came out the right way rather than an over-the-top-Super-H-and-the-Sunglasses-of-Justice kind of way.

Oh right.

My slightly evil TQ.

I enjoyed that one...

I miss critiquing. But, new PC in less than 2 weeks! Then you'll have trouble shutting me up. AND I'll be able to catch up on critiques.

Great gods, this took me a lot of time! I'm so sorry I've been so slow, but exams are over, so I'm free for a few days. Before they decide to start piling me with assignments again. Anyway, here goes!

TQ: Pick a section of lyrics from any song that reminds you of a character from any fandom. Provide the lyrics and explain.

Oh, my. Oh. My. Oh, no. No, no, no. Haha. This? This is impossible! Okay, I'll try, but the lyrics will probably only be a couple of lines. But I will explain my dilemma, so all is well.

First of all, there are some songs (most, really) that give me really, really clear images in my head. Which makes the whole 'linking' thing hard, becuase most of the songs I know all the words to already have their own little cameo thing going on in my brain, as do all the characters. So putting them together may take a fair bit of... tweaking.

But I'll go make a tea while I think of something. Okay, I've come to the conclusion that I suck at this question, and that I don't actually have time to do it, anyway, because the critique took much longer than expected, so, yeah. I'll leave the above explanation to be Word of God. I'm trying to catch up on critiques, so TQ's may be abandoned for a few of them...

Sorry, LLK!!


Critique:

First of all, I was an Evanescence freak when I was younger. Haha, I sound like I'm eighty, but when they were first big (I was probably 12), I adored them. Like, black fishnet gloves and big boots and knew-every-word, adored. Haha, probably still know all the words.

They're still part of my guilty-pleasure-bands collection, really. Haha, at least half my music is in that category, though, but hell. It's fun.

Anyway, I can actually play this song, My Immortal , on the piano - so the live playing of it added another dimension of realism to the story for me. I could see her fingers moving where they would actually go, as opposed to a convenient blur of stage-lights and not-quite-attentive audiences. It was a pretty inventive way of writing a songfic, too: kind of like the WaT one you wrote a while ago. I like the integration of the song into the plot, though.

Songfics where the song is just shoved in (block-paragraph-block-paragraph-block, sort of thing) can be really touchy, because it depends so much on the reader's opinion of not only how apt the song is, but how much they like the song. I know, because I do it. I mean, if I don't like the song, or if I don't like the way it fits, I won't usually read the fic. Or I just skim the blocks of lyrics and don't really pay any deeper attention to them.

But because it's actually a part of the story, here, people can't just disregard it, even if they don't like the song.

But aside from my wariness of songfics! Hehe, sorry, I'll try to stick to the story a little more from now on. Haha.

But the lyrics, like I said, are integrated well. Because Scotty's listening to the song, it changes the tone of the fact that it's a songfic. As in, the song doesn't overpower the story, because it's feeding into Scotty's thoughts, as opposed to just arcing over the whole story. Does that make sense?

The song's broken up really well, too. Each set of lyrics fits with what he's thinking and feeling, and almost seems to play off his emotions, instead of the opposite (i.e. his emotions playing off the song).

But besides all that, the actual story is great. I loved reading it, and I really just felt for Scotty. I had to listen to the song (though I could probably hear it just as well in my own head; God knows I've listened to it enough times) while reading it, because I wanted to be further inside Scotty's thoughts.

And boy, does that sound creepy... Haha.

But he knew it wasn’t the song.

It was Elisa.

I loved this. I'm not quite sure why. I mean, it means something in itself, and as part of the larger story, but it just shows how he's thinking, as opposed to what he's thinking. God, I'm sorry if I'm not making any sense... But it shows that he's conscious of what he's thinking, and that he is somewhat rational despite being so emotional - but at the same time, he's still sort of under the power of his emotions, and not really filtering his thoughts.

The story, I must say, only gets better from there on. Showing Scotty's thoughts along with the music and along with his emotions; and all that combined with the snippets of the past that are wonderful for people like me who don't really follow the show. (I watch it occasionally, and I love it when I do, but I've never followed the ongoing storylines).

I'm not sure if it was deliberate or not (which is a good thing), but the further the story goes, the more interconnected it becomes with the lyrics of the song. Which was probably deliberate, as you mentioned something about it...

...he listened more closely to the lyrics than he had intended to.

The end was interesting. In an awesome stop-and-consider kind of way. I actually paused like, "Huh... huh..."

Guilt, always, is just one emotion that gets to me. Maybe because it's so irrational most of the time, and so permanent. There's not much that can erase guilt. But it's just such a torturous emotion, you know? Have you read The Vampire Lestat? Lestat's guilt over Nicki gets to me more than anything else in the book, I think. Just that loss, the "survivor's guilt", I suppose, even though Elisa's death was self-inflicted.

But if you can't tell, loved it.

Time Cannot Erase by Zelda49
[Cold Case]

Apologies first of all that this is really late, and that it’s such a short critique. I’ve never seen Cold Case, and know nothing about it, so I can’t really comment on characterisation or anything like that. However, I’m not sure that matters really.

I have to say that there’s really not a lot I can say about the fic because it’s so damn good, so well written, so powerful in its simplicity, and so damn good. (Did I mention that it’s damn good?!)

You know what I’m like with picking out spelling and grammar and blah-blah-blah-blah... Well, you don’t need to switch off or scroll down at this point, because I couldn’t find a single mistake or any bit that I would suggest a different phrase for, or anything like that. Not one.

Like a lot of people, I usually can’t stand song fics, and avoid them like the plague unless I happen to know the writer – in which case I’ll still approach with caution! Song fics can be so badly written – and usually are! – with lyrics that bear no relation to the story or the conversation or the action just shoved in any old how. However, you are definitely not guilty of that – this was just great.

Anyway, enough gushing!

I loved your descriptive writing, especially when describing the bar. Sorry, lounge! It was fairly minimal, but slipping in the line:



just worked – I got a real picture in my head of what it was like, what sort of clientele, music, ambience, etc, even though you’d barely described the actual look of the place. This is just one example - LeAnn has pointed out others above - but you have a real talent for using words to make pictures (ooh, I like that phrase!).

You also captured Scotty’s state of mind (and body!) perfectly in this bit:



Also, the ending was great. Who was the singer? What had happened to her that so clearly mirrored Scotty’s experience? It would have spoiled the effect of the whole piece if you’d gone ahead and explained it to the reader – so well done for not telling us!! Always leave ‘em wanting more, as they say!

Did I mention that it was a damn good story? Cos it was! Thanks. And sorry again that it's late. Now I'm off to do this week's, before LLK gives me a good telling off!!

Jude