I had this all typed out, and did a stupid thing, but that's okay. I don't mind doing it all over again. Because it's been that kind of week.

I'm sleepy.

Anyway, enough of my rambling digressions...

Critique:

I have to start this by saying that I haven't watched Heroes in years. Last I knew, Sylar was the bad guy and Claire's adopted father was trying to hunt down the people with the powers... Although I do know that Nathan became evil and trying to kill all the people with the powers and that he's also Claire's father...

But, I digress. My apologies.

From the first sentence, I was hooked into the story. It was so interesting and revealed so much. And instantly, I knew who you were talking about. And the last line was so cute that it made me smile widely.

I love the format, too. From the first sentence you set the tone, and the choppier style fit with that. It made a nice flow, and it really added a lot to the piece.

The only thing I saw that was confusing at times was the tenses. You started in the past tense, then went back to present tense, then past tense, then present tense. That was slightly confusing, but not too bad.

I think you did a good job with this story. I liked it a lot. I really wish I could say more, but like I mentioned before, I really haven't watched Heroes in a long time and don't know what's been going on. I hope this is a good enough critique for you, though.

Good job, and happy (belated) birthday!


TQ: Talk to me about style. How are you more or less stylized than other authors of your fandom? Tell me about your style? What's unique about your writing?

I like to think my style changes with each piece I write, but I know that's not true. I can say it's changed a lot in the 6 or so years I've been writing fanfiction, but that's for two reasons. 1. I've dappled in a lot of fandoms and 2. I've grown up a lot since then.

I think my style is stylized to a point, but it's not the most stylized writing. I try hard, but I also tend to just spew (in a way) what words come to my head because I'm excited to get it out. I think it shows too. And I feel like my style changes sometimes within stories (especially with longer stories).

I think I have a few unique attributes. I write angst that most of the time never ends up resolved (especially in one-shots). I also tend to weave things into corners that make people confused but then tie everything up at the end. And if it's not tied up (no pun intended), then there's probably a sequel.


I'm very rambly tonight, but I think I'm done.

TQ: Talk to me about style. How are you more or less stylized than other authors of your fandom? Tell me about your style? What's unique about your writing?

I think of my style as simple without being simple-minded, descriptive without being burdensome, but that doesn’t really make me unique. A lot of writers (quite a few of whom reside here) also have that easy-to-ready style. I think what makes my writing unique is that I gravitate toward things not dealt with on the show (whichever show I happen to be writing for). For example, I’ve written for all the CSIs, Bones, Cold Case, Without A Trace (thanks Giorgia! You got me hooked!), and NCIS (which is as yet unpublished)—all crime dramas, yet I’ve only ever done one casefile, and it wasn’t the main focus of the piece. I also write a lot of OCs, partly because I like to write from the perspective as an outsider (which I’ve talked about before) but also partly because it’s silly to assume that any give cannon character will interact only with the other characters on his/her show. They have to meet/talk to/deal with other people at some point in their lives, and I like to go there in large part because they don’t on the show (because it isn’t part of their job) nor do most fanfiction writers.

I also have to add, while I have the chance, that I tend to shy away from specific ’ships. I have written Mac/Stella and Eric/Calleigh, even some Booth/Brennan, so it isn’t that I’m opposed to on-screen pairings. But I have a problem with people who value “their ’ships” above everything else and refuse to consider stories that don’t involve the pair that they like, so I think that my inclusion of OCs might be an act of rebellion and an attempt to broaden the horizons of the readers out there…or at least give them some other options


Critique

Your sentence structure looks very good, which makes the story physically easy to read (yay!). I did notice, though, that you changed tenses twice: from past to present about a third of the way in, back to past, then again to the present, and back to past for the last couple of sentences. If it was a purposeful style thing—like a flashback or something along that line—then there should be a clear delineation between the two tenses so your readers know you meant to switch. If it was an oop-I-wasn’t-paying-attention thing (which I’ve done before!) then you should pick a tense and write the entire piece either in the past or in the present. The other thing I noticed is that you have a lot of one- and two-sentence “paragraphs” that are separated from each other, even when they clearly go together. For example:

[font=Arial]Following the news in the U.S. disgusted her to the point where she eventually just gave up and got herself a tutor.

The man she’d hired had the uncanny ability to transform objects into other objects, such as a pencil into a glass.

When she learned the basics, she fired him. She didn’t want anything to remind her of the past she was trying to forget.[/font]

These could easily be combined into one paragraph (since all the sentences deal with the same topic), which would improve the flow of the story and make it easier for the reader to follow (I had a hard time following along, but my comprehension was certainly hindered by the fact that I’ve never seen Heroes before in my life).

The concept of the story was different from what I usually read/write, and different to some degree from a suicide attempt made by someone without special abilities. It was dark, because the poor girl was being persecuted to the point where she no longer wanted to live, but there was a note of…humor, almost, in the multiple attempts—it’s like a parody in a way. Whatever it is, it brought a little levity to a very serious situation, and it worked well.

And happy birthday!!

Gheee. Race, the same thing happened to me: my computer deleted my lovely critique. *Sigh* But, as were you, I'm happy to start again, though (sorry, sorry, sorry!) I may have to paraphrase a bit, because you know me and my rants, and I have a lot of homework.

Mostly Chemistry, but who decided that all five of my 150 hour subjects needed to have tests in the same week? I mean, really. And it's not even exams. Oh, no. We have work on top of all our tests, and we're at school all day every day.

Just to add insult to injury, at least to of them are "practice tests" (I'd like to get my hands on the person who invented those), and we have bigger tests next week.

*Breathes*

Anywho, now that that's under control.

TQ: Talk to me about style. How are you more or less stylized than other authors of your fandom? Tell me about your style? What's unique about your writing?

I think that my style tends toward being convoluted. Well, not in the ploot-sense (because I can't remember the last time I actually wrote a fic with a real plot), but in the sentence structure sense. As you all well know, what with the semicolons and all.

I tend to write rather sarcastically though, and it's actually very hard to turn that off - you should see some of the essays I write. When I'm writing something more... comedic? I find that I use sarcasm to get my piont across. If, indeed, I have one. If I'm writing something more angsty, it still often has a sarcastic tint, but it's bitter sarcasm - scathing, I suppose.

Mostly, this is because I can't write anything remotely tear-jerking, so I just stick to anger-evoking. *Shrugs*

(Zelda, you've written for Without a Trace? Eep! Are they posted? Can I read them? Are they shippy?)

It's interesting, though, that when I write for Bones, I usually stick to one style - more dialogue, more fluff, less intelligent, maybe. But when I write for Without a Trace, I find it much easier to adjust. I use more sarcasm, a hell of a lot more innuendo, and I use a lot more of the character's thoughts.

I think it's becuase I started FF with writing for Bones, so I got really used to that one style, besides being a few years younger. But with Without a Trace, I started only a few months ago (actually, I think it's been almost a year, and wow, did that go fast) and I never really settled on a style for it.

Okay, what was that I was saying about rambling and homework? *Hits self* Shut up, Giorgia.

Whoo.

Critique:

Um, forgive me for sounding stupid, but can Claire still get drunk? Or pass out from alcohol consumption? The scemantics of this immortality thing actually fascinate me. Because I'm fascinated by things like that: basically anything that purely theoretical. (Why can't any of my school work be on that stuff? So much more interesting that trig and reactions of metal oxides).

So, if you hadn't noticed, I don't, in fact, watch Heroes. Which is nothing against heroes, really, but when it started, it was on at the same time as something else (ER, I think), and so I never got into it. Then it started being on at stupid times like 11:30 on a Monday night every other week, and it was just silly to even try.

But, alas, I'll do my best.

The only erroneous (isn't that a horrible word?) thing I could find was, like the others have pointed out, the tenses. The rest was great!

From the first sentence, you can see Claire's frame of mind. I could actually see the bar, even though it's totally ambiguous as to where she is until later. Odd, really, but very effective.

I just love her recklessness. I mean, you would be, if you were her, but if the guy who grabbed her hadn't seen the blood... I can't help but wonder just how far she would have let him go. Which is morbid, but logical.

So Claire's forever young? Huh. You learn something new every day. Pity it couldn't be trig, though. Hehe.

Tearful green eyes watched the process, cursing the man standing on the other side of the tracks, his arms above him like a superhero as he made sure the crashing train didn’t hit her.

I like the way you've transitioned from talking about her like you're actually in her head to talking about her like you're watching her. Usually it would be a weird thing for an author to do (however consciously), but here it really works, because it shows the scene, and really, how are you so good at putting images in my head with so few words?

It's amazing. The train scene has me in slight awe, actually, watching it in my mind. Hm.

“Stop saving me.”

Love the simplicity of that line. I can hear it. And you're doing it with sound, man. Sound! Teach me how? I'll give you a cookie?

Leaving wasn’t an option; it was the only thing she could do.

Though the way it's done does fit with the rest of the story, this line confuddled me for a few seconds the first time I read the it. Putting in some kind of page-break (though nothing too drastic because that would spoil the effect of the story entirely) might work. Or an interim sentence? Or you could not listen to me. My brain is probably just slow...

It’s an added bonus when you can’t speak the language, which means you can simply ignore whatever people are saying with the excuse of “I don’t understand you”.

This is still second person, but it's not talking to you, it's more like... comraderie. Hehe. It's the difference between making the reader the main character in your story and simply talking to them.

Very nice line, but it switches speaker. This is in second person, directly adressing the audience, while the rest of the piece is in third. Which is purely grammatical nonsense, but it's grammatical all the same. If it works, it works.

I would suggest, though, saying:

It’s an added bonus that you can’t speak the language, which means you can simply ignore whatever people are saying with the excuse of “I don’t understand you”.

Hehe, when you mentioned throwing the passport away, I just pictured some lucky ol' Frenchman pulling it out of the trash and doing a little dance. Really, I worry about me, sometimes.

I like the change of personality at the end. Hehe, if it can make you not-insane (or in Claire's case, not maniacally scuicidal) then I think I'm going to France this weekend. Just the fact that she owed his a second chance because he had saved her life was great, whereas before she was all but damning him for it.

The last line is goood, too, for the same reason. It's hopeful where the rest - or at least beginning - of the piece was so hopeless. And, I know I'm being evil here, but the use of second person here works. Really well.

Great piece, and I'm off to the salt mines that are chemistry homework. Hehe. Salt mines.

[align=center]acid + metallic hydroxide --> salt + water[/align]

I'm actually fairly certain that I've gone insane...

I've only written one, posted the same day I wrote my critique so you probably missed it. It's not shippy, it's just basically Danny being goofy, and you're welcome to read!

Shoop Shoop

(Edit by Kaz to fix linkity).