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I'd like to submit my story for Critique


Our Weekly featured pieces. :)

Moderator: kazalene

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Post Mon Mar 16, 2009 4:01 am

Title: Two Worlds

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4925945/1/Two_Worlds

Rating: T

Length: Four Chapters

Summary: For the last ten years Greg has always been able to count on the best friend he's ever had.

AOB: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. <Season 1 to the present and future.

Personal: I just really want to know what you guys think of my characterization with this one.
And what of Henry, my Odysseus? Henry is an artist of another sort, a disappearing artist. Our life together in this too-small apartment is punctuated by Henry's small absences.
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Post Mon Mar 16, 2009 4:53 am

Eep! I might be late, here, but I'll submit this anyway. Sorry, LLK!

Title: Inevitability

Link: CLICK ME

Rating: K+

Length: 10,137 words, 2 chapters

Summary: Danny and Martin (again) have a little chat...

AOB: Without a Trace. Set pretty much whenever. After season three, though, I reckon.

Personal: Just the usual: grammar, plot, lingo, the like.

Thanks!
"You smiled; and then I knew why Debbie calls you 'Sunshine'."
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Post Mon Mar 16, 2009 4:55 am

Sorry, double-posting, but hehe. Like, five minutes late. I really need to work on my timing skills. Or lack thereof. Off to homework, then. Hehe.
"You smiled; and then I knew why Debbie calls you 'Sunshine'."
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Post Mon Apr 20, 2009 4:56 am

Is there anybody out there?

Nodding may not cut it, though, seeings as I can't actually see you... Hm. Pink Floyd did not forsee the advent of the World Wide Web.

I'm going to be a horrible person and submit another feature request (to hell with dignity):

Title: Remedies

Rating: T (PG +13 or something)

Length: 1, 676 words. 1 chapter.

Summary: Without a Trace. Danny has some angst.

AOB: This was actually a challenge piece from a while back (can I do that? Am I breaking the rules?) that LLK critiqued.

Personal: Sorry if I'm not supposed to submit challenge pieces! If so, just give me a technological kick up the butt.
"You smiled; and then I knew why Debbie calls you 'Sunshine'."
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Post Tue Apr 28, 2009 12:43 am

Title: Savior

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5021023/1/Savior

Rating: T

Length: 1 chapter; 1,274

Summary: He's always there to save her. First he was in the bar, then he stopped her from being hit by the train, and he was there after she jumped off the Eiffel Tower. It's only fitting that they run away together.

AOB: It's set in an AU Heroes universe (which, I guess, could be considered canon, depending on which canon-AU you compare it with [yeah, this fandom is that weird]) It's Sylar/Claire. (which is still UNCANON in my opinion)

Personal: It's beta'd, but I'm sure I probably missed something. D: BE AS HARSH AS YOU HAVE TO BE.
Allow me to exaggerate a memory or two
Where summers lasted longer than, longer than we do
And nothing really mattered except for me to be with you
But in time we all forgot and we all grew
- "Folkin' Around", Panic! at the disco
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Location: On this 18th floor balcony, we're both flying away...

Post Mon May 18, 2009 12:46 am

Title: Bound by the Past
Link: This is it
Rating: K+
Length: Currently 2 chapters, but will be 4 (it'll all be up by Tuesday at the latest)
Summary: In the solitude of the end of a normal day, a tormented man reflects on his life.
AOB: I started this after the end of season 6 of Miami, so it's based off the idea that Horatio really did get shot on the tarmac.
Personal: Anything is welcomed. :D
Dean: Talking to a messenger of God on a cell phone. It's kind of like watching a Hell's Angel riding a moped.
Castiel: This isn't funny, Dean. The voice says I'm almost out of minutes.
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Post Sat May 30, 2009 2:43 am

What was that I was saying before about many feature requests?

...I really am a horrible person.

Title: Dance

Link: Clicky, clicky

Rating: T

Length: About 2000 words. One chapter.

Summary: Martin, Danny, and dancing. D/M.

AOB: This is two separate oneshots, so only the first chapter? Just to be difficult. Unless anyone wants to do the second as well.

Personal: Anything, as always. You guys are always helpful. This is a bit of a different style than my usual, so anything at all.

Thanks!
"You smiled; and then I knew why Debbie calls you 'Sunshine'."
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Post Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:34 am

Title: Power

Link: http://slasherfersure.livejournal.com/48330.html

Rating: PG-13

Length: 1 Chapter, 365 words

Summary: Another mob hit, another teenager dead on the streets. Just another day in Las Vegas for the crime lab.

AOB: Set in the current season. This has Langston in it, so if you hate him (here's looking at you, Kathy ;D) you probably won't like this. Or you might. It's also got Catherine! :D

Personal: I love this fic (like all my others). HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT (DOO DOO DOO DOO).
Allow me to exaggerate a memory or two
Where summers lasted longer than, longer than we do
And nothing really mattered except for me to be with you
But in time we all forgot and we all grew
- "Folkin' Around", Panic! at the disco
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Post Sun Jun 21, 2009 5:55 pm

Title: Sometimes, People Need People

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5140549/1/S ... eed_People

Rating: T

Length: 1 Chapter, 1,868 words.

Summary: Elizabeth Weir isn't as strong as she seems, but then everyone breaks right?

AOB: Stargate Atlantis, episode tag for 1X08 'The Eye' (this is probably my favourite fandom and I haven't been brave enough to write for it before)

Personal: This is the first fic I've written since :O...January, so I just wanted some feedback to see if it's as bad as I thought it was *eek*
Helen: We have to fight our way out of here. No killing.
Nikola: Says the woman with the gun to the vampire...
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Location: On this 18th floor balcony, we're both flying away...

Post Mon Jun 29, 2009 2:38 am

Title: Looking From a Distance
Link: This is it
Rating: T
Length: 2 chapters, 3905 words
Summary: Inspired by the quote from Grace Period (NCIS: 4.19): "It could’ve been us every single damn day of the week. Sometimes it has been. You wanna worry about something? Worry about tomorrow." This day, it was them.
AOB: NCIS, no real pairings, mostly friendship. Open-ended.
Personal: I'm open to anything and everything. :D
Dean: Talking to a messenger of God on a cell phone. It's kind of like watching a Hell's Angel riding a moped.
Castiel: This isn't funny, Dean. The voice says I'm almost out of minutes.
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Post Mon Jun 29, 2009 2:39 am

I think this is the first time I've double-posted in, like, forever. Haha.

My apologies.
Dean: Talking to a messenger of God on a cell phone. It's kind of like watching a Hell's Angel riding a moped.
Castiel: This isn't funny, Dean. The voice says I'm almost out of minutes.
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Location: Stuck in the middle with you

Post Thu Jul 02, 2009 7:04 pm

I haven't been around much lately, so these don't have to be high on the critique list, but I'm interested in some feedback whenever there's a hole in the featured list :D



Title: Time Cannot Erase

Link: Sad Scotty Here

Rating: K+

Length: 1 chapter, 1782 words

Summary: Scotty pretends everything is okay after Elisa's death, but finds he can't let her go as easily as he though.

AOB: Cold Case, set after 3.07 "Start Up", when Scotty realizes that his former fiancee's death was in fact a suicide, not a murder like he believed. Angsty.

Personal: This is the only Cold Case fic I've written, and I'm looking for the usual...characterization, strangth (or weakness) of the plot, etc.



Title: Shoop Shoop

Link: Silly!Danny

Rating: K

Length: 1 chapter, 2,041 words

Summary: The team goes out after a long day to unwind, and Danny finds himself the center of attention.

AOB: Without a Trace, set before Elena is there, but without spoilers for any episode. Humorous (I hope) songfic (sort of).

Personal: This is the first Without a Trace fic I've written and, while I think it's pretty entertaining, I want to know if it's engaging and quirky or just dumb. Outside of Giorgia (who left me a wonderful novel-length review) I didn't get much feedback on this one.


Title: I Can't Stop

Link: Silly!Danny part 2

Rating: K+

Length: 1 chapter, 2,025 words

Summary: "She made me a promise that day, and I'm here to collect." Danny heads back to the karaoke bar in search of his singing partner.

AOB: Without a Trace (again), sequal to Shoop Shoop, so still pre-Elena (although, not for any particular reason) and still no spoilers. Humorous songfic (again, sort of).

Personal: It follows the same set up as Shoop Shoop, but I'm hoping that it's different enough not to look like a clone. I wanted these two to be similarly-theme pieces, but not to look like I ran out of ideas and started recycling old ones.
"If you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you always got."

Tony DiNozzo, NCIS
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Post Wed Jul 22, 2009 9:35 pm

Title: Of Tears and Lullabies

Link: Here

Rating: K+

Length: 1 chapter, 2,756 words

Summary: John goes to see Teyla after they escape the Wraith hive ship in 5x01.

AOB: Stargate: Atlantis (again, I'm sorry lol, it seems my mind goes in cycles when it decides it wants to write fanfic), and it's another post-ep piece. But I'll be happy to explain some of the back story if need be.

Personal: It's the first longish piece of fanfic I've written in a while and it's in second person...eek, I can never be sure if I nail it right since I find it so hard to write. So comments on that aspect would be lovely :D
Helen: We have to fight our way out of here. No killing.
Nikola: Says the woman with the gun to the vampire...
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Post Sun Aug 09, 2009 5:48 am

Title: Thirty-Five Minutes

Link: Here

Rating: T

Length: 1 chapter, 2 911 words.

Summary: Thirty-five minutes would have changed everything. Missing scene from 4.01

AOB: Without a Trace again, but not a Romance fic this time (shock, horror!); a Friendship one. For it to really make sense, though, you have to know that Martin got shot and Danny didn't visit him for like two months afterwards.

Personal: Nothing much. Any comments/critiques are welcome!
"You smiled; and then I knew why Debbie calls you 'Sunshine'."
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Location: Hidding in the corner of my mind. Just south of the black hole.

Post Sun Aug 09, 2009 8:01 am

Title: After Life

Linkity Link

Rating: T

Length: One Chapter; 1,624 words.

Summary: Warrick's thoughts are interupted when Catherine enters his new world.

AOB: CSI fandom, set after Warrick dies, and has a Catherine/Warrick paring. (Like most of my stories.)

Personal: I'm a bit concerned that it ended too abruptly.
Why do writers write? Because it isn't there.
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