Let's not forget to do our Critiques guys.

OK, before I go to my critique, I must warn you that it may be a little nonsensical. I have no urge to write without this one song blasting in my ears constantly, and it will probably dull any profound things I have to say about your story, Leni. But I shall continue on anyway, because I don't wanna be banned! O_o

TQ

OK, what I like about writing challenge pieces is that I already know what I'm going to write. All I really need to worry about is making sure I fit the criteria, and do it well in the process. The bad thing about it is that I don't get to do *exactly* what I want. It gets frustrating when I have a great idea, and can't use it in my story because it strays away from what the story is supposed to be. This is probably why I ended up writing five or six new stories, including my challenge story, this month. I went nuts, just trying to pick a good genre/story, and my SVU one was the perfect one. I ended up deleting about five other stories I had written for this challenge O_O

Critique

Alright, what can I say about this story that is constructively critical and will help you get better...

Uh, is it bad that I can't think of anything?

In my opinion, Leni, this is your *best* story ever. It's hard to find a story centered around Horatio Caine that I actually *like*, let alone love. And I do love this story. As much as I hate Horatio, I never thought he deserved to lose the woman he had *just* married. It was terrible of CSI: Miami to do that, and I could never think of a way to forgive them, at all, for it. What you did here was very beautiful, in that you took a painful moment in his life and turned it into this beautifully emotional scene. I nearly cried, the memory of Marisol nearly too much for me (mainly due to my sensitivity to Eric o_O).

You got the challenge elements in very well (and yes, I do mean the rating too). The subject matter of this story, while it may not seem so, is just a bit too mature for the youngins on fanfiction.net. They don't understand the subject of grief as well as most adults, and the depth of Horatio's pain is more than a little complicated.

I don't know... I don't think I'm making sense. In fact, I'm sure of it. I hope that this critique gave you a little bit to smile at.

Oh, one small qualm I had with the story. Your flow was a little rocky at points, and some of the sentence could have been smoothed out a bit better. Maybe it's the whole American reading a story by Brit (hope that term's not offensive o_O), but I figured I should mention that for courtesy's sake.

Happy writing on your new story(ies).

Amanda Ruth

I shall be back later today to post. I've nearly done, just don't have time to read/copy/paste hehe.

Not forgotteededed you race.

Amanda Ruth, thanks for the critique - I'm honoured to have impressed you so much. Just out of curiosity - did you notice the little twist I did? If not, take another look - at the first letter of each paragraph! I was stumped, so took that as my starting point, but - maybe a bit contrived, huh? But hey, it worked!

And Giorgia, I haven't forgotted either - I'll have it posted by tomorrow evening, when I've had time to sit and read and critique properly.

Leni

THAT WAS CLEVER! Kinda reminds me of my Just A Little Fun thinger that I did. Kudos! It's mucho impressivo!

It's like an Uber Acrostic Poem! That's so cool, Leni!

TQ:

Like:
The challenge of having to incorporate things I normally would have considered.
The challenge of having a severe deadline.
The challenge of having to critique an unknown piece
Being able to try new things that can broaden my horizons.

Dislike:
The time constraints.
How freaking hard it can be.
How hard it is some think up a plot line with little time to try out different things.

Critique: Touch me

What a wonderful piece of fiction!

*fans self* And way hot too. It’s very hard to write ‘kinky’ stuff and even harder to write it well. I applaud a job well done; I actually read this twice but shush, I’m no pervert! Honest!

I’m afraid I can’t comment on the characterization, having not watched the show since it started but I found myself believing what they were saying and doing, which I suppose is all that matters. You’ve also kinda made me want to watch the show now… so I think I will as soon as I’m free. I’ll get the boy to buy a DVD hehe.

Wooooooonderful use of the picture! I wish I’d been brave enough to focus on it that strongly, but I think it fitted your characters better that it would mine. I think that the way you interpreted the picture linked very well to the need to include the theme of passion (though passion is an understatement). It got scarily erotic and a little…. dark near the end… which I know was you intention but it still shocked me.

I like how the picture and the sense of touch were merged together, using the weapons in the image to do the touching rather then her hands… wonderfully told.

I have nothing negative to say about this, except maybe it could do with being upped a rating!

Great work, Race.

TQ: What do you like most about writing challenge pieces? What do you like least?

I have to say that I really love challenges.

I love working to a set of criteria which can be absolutely anything from simple to bizarre, and all points in between, and quite often something I wouldn't necessarily have thought of writing otherwise. The criteria give a starting point, something to fire the imagination, to give inspiration, to get the creativity going. The downside of this, of course, is that the inspiration doesn’t always come right away – sometimes I don’t ‘get it’ until about ten minutes before the story’s due!

Which brings me to deadlines. I love those as well. Having a time limit to write something is a real focus, gives a real focus to what I’m writing. (I can’t believe I said that, remembering how I used to hate having to sit exams in school!)

What do I like least? I don’t think there is anything I don’t like. Except maybe as mentioned above – when I don’t get inspiration for the first six days, then have to write something by the deadline! But even that can be a good exercise.

I know the question is about writing challenge pieces, but one thing I love about challenges in general is the way everyone interprets the challenge criteria so differently. The variety in the pieces submitted is fascinating, and I try to read all of them just to see what the others have done with the criteria given.


Critique:
Like an Angel [Bones]: GiorgiaKerr

This was such a great piece, Giorgia. As you know, I was really unsure about critiquing it, because I’d never even heard of Bones, and knew absolutely nothing about the premise of the show, the characters, the relationships, or anything. But once I read it - well, you were right, that really didn’t matter; the story told me all I needed to know.

I found that I identified absolutely with the whole ‘lost in music’ thing; I do that myself, whether it’s classical or rock or metal, I can put it on, close my eyes (except when I’m driving!) and just go with the flow of it. You got across amazingly how Brennan did the same – she just let the music speak to her, let it dictate her feelings, her mood, even the things going through her mind (which is a very brave thing to do; the sub-conscious can let anything happen!):



The way Booth comes on the scene is well done too. He’s looking for her, but then there’s the uncertainty of what to do when he finds her. Maybe that says something about their relationship, I don’t know – I just get the feeling from what you wrote and how you wrote it that they have a really close relationship, the best of friends, who’ve laughed and cried together, worked and fought together, but... is there more to it than that? Should there be more to it than that?



(Maybe I’ve got that all wrong – like I said, I don’t know the show at all – but this is what I got from what you wrote.)

The final chapter was so good. The way she knew that he was watching her, and maybe he knew that she knew... But the moment wasn’t to be spoiled, either by him interrupting, or by her opening her eyes too soon. There’s a kind of... “comfortableness” about the two of them just being with each other, there for each other – but at the same time there’s a fierce protectiveness, need of each other, and yes, definitely a passion in their relationship.

Anyway, maybe I’m waffling now! It’s late and I need my bed. (I also need to get this finished before LLK’s ten week ban kicks in!)

Just a couple of minor spelling mistakes:

“willful” should be “wilful” (unless there’s the same problem with Aussie English as I have with US English!)

“Like and Angel” – obviously, “...an...”

“Net even at the start” – again, obviously, “not...”

And one final thing, which I think most, if not all, of us need to hear (and that definitely includes me). If any of you think I’m taking a liberty saying this, and / or want to shoot me down, that’s fine! But here goes anyway:

If you have – or seem to have – no confidence in what you’ve written, then neither will your audience.





When I see things like this (actually, some are way worse! I read one summary that said “This is a rubbish summary, I hope the story’s better”!), it usually makes me wonder:

a. if it’s that bad, why did you bother posting it? or
b. if it’s that bad, I won’t bother reading it, or
c. does this person just want their ego massaged with lots of “this-is-awesome”-type reviews?

Let me very quickly say that I definitely don’t think any of these in your case, Giorgia!

This was an excellent piece, well written. So just... have confidence in your ability as a writer, and believe in what you’re doing. It won’t necessarily make what you write totally mind-blowingly fabulous, or worthy of a Pulitzer prize (although that’s not such a bad thing to aim for!). Yes, reviews and praise are great when you get them, we all love to be told that we’re doing well, that what we write is fabulous. But if something’s good, or great, or you just NEED to write it, you’ll know it. And knowing the truth for yourself is way more important than anyone else’s opinion of you or your work.

OK. I’m done now!

It really was a great piece.
(And I’m now trying to find Bones on my TV schedule, if only to see how way off the mark I was! )

Leni.

[*Phew* Posted with three minutes to spare! G'night, folks!)

Okay, first let me start by saing sorry, Amanda, for the length of time it has taken me to critique. University + boyfriend + party organisation = zero time.

TQ: What do you like most about writing challenge pieces? What do you like least?

Like:1) The challenge they pose. 2) I get to release stress by means of complaining about the challenge. 3) Thinking up original ways to interpret the elements provided. 4) Odd as it may seem, the deadline.

Dislike: 1) If I have no inspiration for a challenge. 2) The fact that I always leave them until the last minute.

Critique of Endings and Beginnings by Amanda Ruth.

Strong Points:
I loved your use of the passion element in this - it was very clever, and very original. It's easy to simply view passion as being about sex, but you picked anger... grief.

Speaking of elements, it was nice how you started out darkly with the end of a marriage, but then moved into a more hopeful scene regarding the beginning of a friendship. It just gave your fic that bittersweet quality to it, and the contrast between the two sections worked really well. Kinda just like the image of dark to light. Great job in bringing that across.

Another thing which I thought worked really well was your flow here:

The single use of the word before the paragraph really hammers home that point, making the reader feel it and believe it.

I have to say well done on bringing out the Aussie accent phonetically. Writing accents is always hard, but I think you did a pretty good job with it. Put it this way, I could hear it in the words... but, then again, my godmother is from Australia/NZ, so I know what it sounds like. Still, it read like it should have done.

The punching bag metaphor was great, especially when you tie it in with how he was feeling kinda like one himself. It really set the mood for his anger and pain, and the angst-y beginning you started with.

Not So Strong Points:

The only thing I really have for this section is your flow. At times, it was a little clumsy, or even rushed, perhaps. Take here, for example:

I see what you're trying to do - with regards to showing how he was feeling - but the first two uses of the word 'again' seem to throw things off a little. One way to rectify this would be to remove the second one and simply put:

That he could make this relationship work again, during a time when everything was falling apart. Now Kathy was gone, and the kids were taking her side. Again. Things couldn’t possibly be any worse for the aging detective.

Or:

That he could make this relationship work again; everything was falling apart again. Now Kathy was gone, and the kids were taking her side. Again. Things couldn’t possibly be any worse for the aging detective.

This bit here is pretty self-explanatory:


And here is an example of what I meant when I said it seemed a little rushed:

Usually when you use body language, you're one of the best at using it to make a comment about the situation you've put your characters into. Here, it seemed like you hadn't put your full effort into doing this, and it read a little... flat.

Conclusion:

I enjoyed reading this, and loved your use of the elements - it was very original and something I wouldn't have thought of. And major props have to go to you for managing to write this during nano, which I know you've been spending a lot of time on. The way you conveyed Elliot's thoughts and feelings was great, and the happy twist at the end was a nice touch.

Good job, Amanda.

Best TQ Winner: marymagdalen

TQ: What do you like most about writing challenge pieces? What do you like least?

I have to say that I really love challenges.

I love working to a set of criteria which can be absolutely anything from simple to bizarre, and all points in between, and quite often something I wouldn't necessarily have thought of writing otherwise. The criteria give a starting point, something to fire the imagination, to give inspiration, to get the creativity going. The downside of this, of course, is that the inspiration doesn’t always come right away – sometimes I don’t ‘get it’ until about ten minutes before the story’s due!

Which brings me to deadlines. I love those as well. Having a time limit to write something is a real focus, gives a real focus to what I’m writing. (I can’t believe I said that, remembering how I used to hate having to sit exams in school!)

What do I like least? I don’t think there is anything I don’t like. Except maybe as mentioned above – when I don’t get inspiration for the first six days, then have to write something by the deadline! But even that can be a good exercise.

I know the question is about writing challenge pieces, but one thing I love about challenges in general is the way everyone interprets the challenge criteria so differently. The variety in the pieces submitted is fascinating, and I try to read all of them just to see what the others have done with the criteria given.